WHATS HAPPENING TO MEEEEE?!

I was rolling around outside, scratching all of the itchy spots on my back, when I noticed something peculiar…my paws had turned…YELLOW! I am no buzzard, I did not pee on my paws!  One word: POLLEN. Disgusting, gross, nasty, POLLEN. I hate it. I can groom for HOURS, and I will still have pollen somewhere on my body. I have runny eyes too, so Human thinks I have allergies. Gee, Human, thanks for the insight! That thought neverrrr occurred to me. Idiot.

One plus side to warmer weather: LIZARDS. The lizards are back! And its the best time to catch them because they are still slow and trying to warm up. Bwahahah! Human has rescued a few already. What a bleeding heart. Someone tell her that its okay for some animals to die…like.. the ones I want to maim and devour.

Sound good Human? Can you let pretty little me have just ONE lizard? Just one?

LOOK WHAT I FOUND!!!

For your sakes I decided against blowing it up to full size. She’s already done that for us. What is up with fat people wearing booty shorts!?!?! They automatically become underwear. Its like magic. Houdini couldn’t have pulled this off! I mean…the underwear shorts are now being swallowed by her butt. Which is more of a THASS [thass definition: when ass melds with thigh, thus becoming indistinguishable from the other]

See? My posts are educational.

Someone needs to give her a Gibb’s slap and a pair of sweatpants…and a P90X box set.


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