Oh. My. God.

The scariest thing happened to me this morning. I awoke to strange, sharp pains in my sides. I felt light-headed. Surely I was dying! I knew there was only one way to fix this….FOOD. I galloped downstairs to my food bowl [decorated in dancing cats, not my choice I promise you!] Lo and behold, it was EMPTY! Human wanted me to DIE of starvation! I felt weak…my legs were becoming shaky…my vision…blurred. I managed to muster up enough strength to jump on her bed and meow.

“Human? Hey…HEY! HUMANNNNN! FEED MEEEEE!”

Did she wake up? No. She patted my head clumsily and fell back asleep. I jumped off the bed, and, with one final burst of strength, I launched myself onto her stomach.

“HUMANNNN! WAKE UP!!!”

She grumbled and followed me downstairs. Guess what she fed me? WET FOOD! OMG OMG OMG OMG! I need to wake her up more often.

[Insert human: She woke me up at five in the morning…devil cat.]

I WAS DYING, okay??? Good lord. You would think she would be more concern. I guess I’ll have to call the SPCA. Sheer neglect I tell you. My emotional state is in tatters. SIGH.

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