Okay…so…Human let me outside. I was happy cause the sun has been shining and I love to roll around and doze. Well. After a few minutes of that I smelled something weird. Something…like…another CAT. OMG. NO NO NO! That ruined ALL of my plans for today. Seriously. I mean how am I going to function with another cat present? It’s not possible. At all. On top of that, its SIMBA. Yeah…that crazy cat that has a torture chamber somewhere. I haven’t seen it yet but it’s THERE I tell you!
So anyway…Human is having breakfast and I decide to get her attention by jumping on to the kitchen window’s ledge. I like to sit there and remind everyone I am a] watching them and b] really really really REALLY want to be let back in! As soon as Human opens the door, SIMBA runs by me! I hiss and spit!
[Insert Human: He was 15 feet away…drama queen.]
I am NOT a drama queen! Simba could have eaten me.
Was Human concerned? No. She laughed at me. Ugh. I could have died. Simba was totally amused and sat near MY PATIO FURNITURE. Thats MY STUFF! Omg omg omg. When He leaves I’ll have to rub on everything to make it mine again. UGH.
As soon as Human let me in…she went back outside. I thought she was going to scare of Simba, teach him a thing or two. Did she? NO. She PET HIM! I am revolted and disgusted. I watched everything from the window. I felt rage building…and building…and when Human walked inside…I attacked!
[Insert Human: I had sweatpants on. ]
I think I cut her up pretty good.
[Insert Human: AGAIN. I had sweatpants on.]
Being the proud feline I am I was NOT going to sit around and wait for her to apologize. She’ll have to work for it. My disloyal Human. UGH. I thought I trained her better!